Sometimes life has a way of telling you to take a break.

As I progress through this life I have never before realized the importance of self-care.

If no one has ever told you – It is NECESSARY to refill your cup every once in a while.

You think I would take my own advice here given the fact that I always have a dozen things on my plate..

1. Mom of 2 humans

2. Wife

3 Full time career

4. Mom of 3 dogs

5. Nonprofit Chair Member

6. School volunteer

7. Blog writer

8. Chaos organizer

9. Drama mediator

10. Etc

11. Etc

12. Etc

I have zero time for self-care. I’m running on fast forward my entire day until my head hits my pillow at night. Pedicures? Massages? Coffee with friends? Retail therapy? Blah. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

But I should.

I am the sole reason I don’t have time for my own self-care.

I’m always burning the candle at both ends. Always too busy making sure everyone else’s needs are met while completely ignoring my own.

So when an opportunity presented itself to “refill my cup” this past week..I didn’t even hesitate.

“Journey to Him” has been a completely life changing experience for me. And I, admittedly, have no idea if I’m doing any of “this” right.

What I do know, however, is that writing helps me process.

What I also know is that I can’t process if my soul isn’t right.

I appreciate your patience with Part 5 as I was long overdue for a break. A mental break..a social media break..just a short period of time to ease my mind and calm my soul.

Many thanks,

Part 5..coming very soon.

The name seems so fitting.

At a young 33 years old I am still searching, still trying to find – myself. I think my question is: Does anyone really ever find themselves? I’m sure they do, or they think they do. Until a shift happens..a life event that throws you off balance.

But what if your life has been a continuance of shifts and life events? What if you’ve never been able to find your balance?

That’s me.

Despite my chaotic upbringing (which I might go into later..but not yet..not ready for THAT type of BS)..I feel like I’ve done pretty well for myself. I’ve gone through life thus far checking off all the boxes, right?

High School Diploma ☑️

College Degree ☑️

Career ☑️

Financial stability ☑️

Got married ☑️

Bought a house☑️

Another college degree ☑️

Had kids ☑️

So now what? I’ve been so preoccupied with checking off my boxes that I forgot my end game. Did I ever have one? Oohhh a happy, fulfilling life..that’s right.

I found myself asking, so why in the hell don’t I feel fulfilled? What’s missing?

Me.

THAT is what’s missing. Who in the hell am I? What are my likes? Dislikes?

I’ve spent so much time checking my boxes, filling everyone else’s cup..that I’ve neglected my own.

I’ve spent so much time “growing up” and “establishing myself” that  I was able to ignore my own crap for so long.

But having kids was my shift and my life event. I’ve been given the responsibility of shaping two human beings and I refuse to let them be burdened with even an ounce of my baggage. They need a mom. They need a healthy mom.

But how?

I realized I need to find my beautiful.

Not physically – because come on, nothing dry shampoo and some mascara can’t fix. I joke.

But in all seriousness: my first step was me realizing I’m more than a mom. I’m more than a wife. I’m more than my career. I’m a damn strong woman who has carried the world on her shoulders and I refuse to let that continue to be my life.

I refuse to let my past continue to be my identity.

And I refuse to rely on anyone else in this world for my happiness.

So why now? Why share all of your business? Why throw your crap out into the universe?

Because I want to, SUSAN.

And because I don’t have the mental space for everyone’s judgements anymore.

Period.